I received a message recently from a patient in my NHS perinatal mental health role who wanted to cancel her postnatal wellbeing appointment. She was struggling emotionally and physically and felt she needed to focus on her emotional health before thinking about her physical wellbeing.

I hear this a lot.

When you’re drowning in mental health difficulties, small children, work, relationships and all the other chaos life can bring, it can be hard to listen to someone talking about lifestyle, sleep, nutrition or movement.

But five years on in perinatal mental health, I’m still banging this drum because I believe in it so strongly:

Our physical and emotional wellbeing are not separate. They constantly influence each other.

This becomes particularly obvious during pregnancy and the postnatal period, when we can be navigating sickness, anxiety, insomnia, pelvic pain, hormonal changes, iron deficiency, appetite changes and body image concerns — sometimes all at once.

Understanding these connections can help us support our wellbeing as a whole, rather than trying to fix one piece at a time.

1. Nutrition

Nutrition can become complicated very quickly in pregnancy.

Early pregnancy can bring nausea, sickness, appetite changes and exhaustion. Later, there may be heartburn, cravings, concerns about weight gain, gestational diabetes or iron deficiency. Then baby arrives and suddenly you’re thinking about recovery, fibre, finding time to eat and, if breastfeeding, the insatiable hunger that can come with it.

And underneath all of this is often anxiety:

Am I eating enough?

Am I eating the right things?

Is my baby getting what they need?

It’s easy to see food as something we simply need to get “right”, but nutrition is about so much more than that. We eat for energy, strength, comfort, enjoyment, concentration and functioning.

When we understand how food can support us physically and emotionally, we can feel more secure and in control — without turning nutrition into another source of pressure.

2. Sleep

Sleep is 100% my soapbox.

Pregnancy insomnia, physical discomfort, anxiety and endless trips to the toilet can make sleep difficult. After birth, there are obviously baby’s needs, but also hormonal changes, recovery, worries about your baby and a completely disrupted sleep-wake cycle.

And poor sleep affects far more than tiredness. It can impact concentration, memory, mood, emotional resilience, energy and physical health.

Something I’ve learned through my work in perinatal mental health is that

good sleep starts in the daytime.

Anxieties that get pushed aside during the day can become very loud when everything is quiet. Physical discomfort can make us dread bedtime. Expectations about how much we should be sleeping can create even more stress. And hormonal changes can make sleep feel lighter or less restorative.

Sometimes, therefore, the answer isn’t to fix sleep. It’s to support ourselves better while we’re awake.

Looking after our emotional wellbeing, moving our bodies, eating regularly and creating opportunities for rest can all help us develop a calmer relationship with sleep.

(You can find guides to support your sleep in pregnancy and postpartum in The Willow Lounge - Rooted membership)

3. Movement

Finding the balance between rest and movement can take some trial and error, particularly when you’re pregnant, recovering from birth or simply exhausted by the demands of family life.

But movement can be incredibly supportive for both physical and emotional wellbeing.

During pregnancy, appropriate movement can support circulation, joints, strength and stamina, while helping you prepare physically and mentally for birth. Postnatally, gradually returning to movement can support recovery and help you reconnect with your body.

But perhaps most importantly,

movement can support our mood.

It can improve sleep, appetite, confidence and our connection with our bodies and communities.

I also think it’s important to move away from the idea that exercise is primarily about making our bodies smaller. Pregnancy and postpartum are perhaps the clearest examples of why this mindset can become unnecessarily punitive.

Movement can be about strength, function, confidence, enjoyment and feeling good in the body you are living in.

And that is enough.

4. Rest and recovery

Pregnancy — particularly later pregnancy — can be our first real nudge to slow down.

For many of us, that can feel incredibly uncomfortable.

If you’re someone who has always prided yourself on being productive, resting can bring up guilt, shame or the feeling that you’re being lazy. But when we consistently ask more from our bodies than they have the capacity to give, the postnatal period can be a huge shock to the system.

Babies require an enormous amount of time and attention, and I regularly speak to women who say:

“I understood the assignment. But living it is completely different.”

The physical and emotional demands of caring for a baby, recovering from birth and managing our own expectations can leave us feeling like we’re crumbling from the inside out.

Why did no one warn me?

Well, this is me warning you: take your preparation, recovery and wellbeing seriously. I’ve tried several times to run a workshop helping women prepare for postpartum recovery, and no one has booked — perhaps because we’re still taught to just get on with it, because having a baby is “natural” and we’re somehow expected to know how to navigate it.

Wrong.

Generations of women are still asking, “Why did no one warn me?” and I want to be part of changing that — helping women prepare, plan and thrive, not simply survive.

5. Connection

We hear so much about “the village”, but for many families, it can feel like the village has disappeared.

Community matters enormously — it’s one of the reasons I created The Willow Lounge and run postnatal wellbeing groups — but connection is about more than having people around you.

It’s connection to your baby, your body, your partner, your new identity and the transition you are experiencing.

Connecting with your body and baby can make pregnancy and birth feel less frightening and more transformative. Connecting with your partner can help you understand each other’s experiences and navigate this huge family transition together.

And connecting with yourself can give you something incredibly important:

Trust.

This was one of my biggest takeaways from hypnobirthing. We don’t talk enough about the power of creating space to connect with ourselves, our babies, our bodies and our partners.

Trusting yourself — intuitively and practically — can help you feel safer, more secure and more confident in the decisions you make.

5 simple ways to support your pregnancy and postnatal wellbeing

We can see that physical and emotional wellbeing are deeply connected. So, rather than trying to overhaul everything at once, here are five simple places to start:

1. Create a consistent morning routine.

Hydration, sunlight, movement, mindfulness or simply opening the curtains and taking a moment to set an intention for the day can make a difference.

2. Eat regularly.

Our bodies thrive on rhythm. Regular meals can support energy, concentration, digestion and sleep.

3. Rest before you need to.

Don’t wait until you’re completely depleted. Build small moments of rest into your day — a stretch, a few deep breaths, a quiet cup of tea or simply doing nothing.

4. Check in with your senses.

Notice what your body is taking in throughout the day. Noise, screens, touch, responsibility, stimulation and stress can all add up. Sometimes we need to give our senses a chance to switch off.

5. Create connection.

Send someone a message of love, gratitude or support. Connection can be a powerful source of energy when we’re feeling depleted — and sometimes giving a little can help us feel more connected ourselves.

You don’t have to fix everything

Your wellbeing isn’t a checklist, and pregnancy and postpartum certainly aren’t times when everything will go perfectly.

The aim isn’t to eat perfectly, sleep perfectly, exercise perfectly or somehow master motherhood.

It’s to understand that

your physical and emotional health are connected,

and to give both the attention, compassion and support they deserve.

Sometimes looking after your mental health starts with looking after your body.

And sometimes looking after your body starts with acknowledging what’s happening emotionally.

You are a whole person. Your wellbeing deserves to be treated that way.