Does a Positive Birth Even Matter?

Social media would have us believe that a positive birth is made up of twinkling lights, serene birth pools and ‘breathing your baby out’. Anything less than that and it can feel like things have gone “wrong” or that expectations haven’t been met. Many people may think that the only way to have a positive birth is for there to be no pain, no interventions and no complications. However, a positive birth stems from something deeper than all of this. Safety. Respect. Informed and involved decision making. Being heard. Feeling emotionally held. Birth is not a performance, beautifully curated for other people’s viewing. Nor is it a “medical event” to be endured at any cost to you or your baby. A healthy baby matters, but it's not the ONLY thing that matters. Your lived experience and what birth means to you also matters, and these can all exist together.

Birth itself is a rite of passage. It’s the threshold of a life ‘before’ and a life ‘after’. There is no other experience comparative to birth and whether we place a spiritual meaning behind it or not, the experience is transformative.

Sacred.

Ceremonial.

Ours.

The right to prioritise and claim this moment as truly ours has been dampened and it can feel rebellious to question clinical recommendations for the sake of experience. But how we experience birth can directly impact our babies and our experience of early motherhood. The process of birth and becoming a parent is a huge identity shift which is shrouded in vulnerabilities and intensities which can lead to empowerment or emotional distress, depending on how we are held in those moments. The impact of birth lives long past the appointments, the clean-up, the lochia and the wound healing.

This imprint can embed itself in our nervous system. In hypnobirthing, we talk a lot about the fight or flight response and how our previous knowledge and expectations can shape our experience and reinforce our fear response. Birth is an all-consuming and all-encompassing experience which has the potential to impact our emotional responses. Fulfilling our need for emotional safety protects our responses and our wellbeing. Emotional safety in the form of calm and effective communication, choice, informed consent, feeling believed and supported leads to feeling able to cope, a sense of agency and emotional regulation during and beyond birth. Positive births can positively influence our emotional wellbeing, our bonding and connection, breastfeeding success and our ability to help ourselves and our families regulate. It’s not a ‘nice to have’, it is foundational.

We often enter motherhood expecting some levels of sacrifice. Our bodies, careers, time… But our emotional wellbeing is a price too high to pay, for us and our children. Positive birth experiences are linked to better confidence in early parenting, stronger sense of self-trust and easier emotional adjustment. Difficult births may lead to birth trauma, anxiety or low mood or lack of confidence. The weight of a difficult birth on postnatal wellbeing is heavy. It is important to note that birth trauma is not defined by clinical severity, but by the perception and meaning of the experience for the individual. How you feel about your birth experience outweighs what is documented about it.

How do I achieve a positive birth?

If you know that you want and deserve more from your birth experience, then you are not alone. No one wants to resist a “good birth” and what that feels like is different for everyone. Don’t allow yourself to feel shamed for wanting more for yourself and your baby, or naïve. Having individualised and continuous support can be an effective way to prepare for your birth and increase the likelihood of positive experience, no matter how your birth unfolds. Ways you can do this are:

-          Start your birth preparation early. Even just gathering knowledge or discussing your options with your partner is a good start

-          Optimise your nutrition and movement

-          Unfollow the accounts that don’t make you feel good. Look for empowering, evidence-based accounts and optimise your algorithm

-          Consider a hypnobirthing course – My classes teach you how your mindset, environment and expectations can influence your birth, normal birth physiology, how your partner can support you, practical tools for managing labour and birth.

-          Consider doula support – a doula is someone who works for you rather than your hospital to support your journey, provide continuity of support, advocate for you and help you feel empowered.

-          Look after your postnatal wellbeing – have a plan! Doula’s can provide this and practical support. Gather the numbers of support agencies. Closing the Bones is a ceremony which can be performed postnatally. Consider the groups that might be helpful to join. Work out what is important for you. I offer postnatal wellbeing support, so please have a look if this is for you.

Emotional care around birth matters and is for everyone. How do you want to feel about your birth when you look back on it? Positive birth matters because emotional wellbeing matters.